BEC

Matt Baxter

The perfect Bacon-Egg-and-Cheese sandwich is composed, surprisingly, not of three, but of five main ingredients. First, there’s the bun, the exoskeleton of the whole operation. Rolls need to be warmed, but only just to the edge of toastieness. Eggs must be no less than over medium and definitely not scrambled. No drippy yellow goo on my manwich, thank you! The bacon needs to be thoroughly cooked, but not too crispy. Too crispy bacon can single-handedly ruin an otherwise-perfect BEC. Cheese really doesn’t concern me, since I’m allergic. I order the Bacon-and-Egg instead, but I suppose it’s an essential part of the experience for some. Now, many people would stop there, but they would be missing out on the best part. What is this everso-elusive 5th ingredient? Home fries, of course. Take your average BE(C), throw a layer of onion-less home fries on top of the perfectly seared bacon, and you have instant gold.

The Country Store & Delicatessen makes a mean BEC – the best around, in my opinion. The “C-Store,” as it is affectionately known, is located about 100 yards (a mere football field!) from my house, making it extremely convenient. Plus, I have what called a “tab” there. If you don’t know, a tab means you get to buy things and never have to pay for them. The close proximity and the tab make this the ideal location to satisfy my B&E cravings, but its not “all good” down at the C-Store. The bacon tends to be overcooked and dried out (surely, it couldn’t be that they use leftover bacon!?) and their home fries are chocked full of onions (YUCK). Nothing, not even overcooked bacon, can ruin a good sam’mich as quickly as onion-y home

fries. Oh, the hours I’ve spent picking them out…

Elvira’s Market, the beachside version of the C-Store, cooks a very similar B&E, although it’s a little light on both the B, and the E. If you’re a man such as myself, you need some protein in your breakfast sandwich, something Elvira’s can’t seem to provide. So much so, that there are even times when a Bacon double Egg is appropriate. Elvira’s is a hike from my house, but only 50 yards away from my job, making it a convenient choice for quenching pre-work hunger pangs. Unfortunately, no tab there. Cash only.

McDonald’s has got one thing going for it in the breakfast sandwich department. No, not their fake eggs, or uncooked bacon, but their syrup-infused McGriddle bun. Definitely worth suffering through the rest of their “sandwich” for the occasional BEC. Similarly, school BEC’s are one thing, and one thing only: convenient. But even those take a little finesse. You’ve got your standard rack of pre-made BEC’s kept “hot” under “heat” lamps. Those are for newbies and are to be avoided at all cost. If you know what you’re doing – and I most certainly do – you grab yourself an everything bagel, go up to the nice gentleman in the red shirt, and clearly say, “Bacon-and-Egg, extra bacon. Please.” If they didn’t skimp on the bacon and half cook the eggs,

school would actually make a decent sandwich. All this aside, you can’t beat a mere 40-foot walk from almost any cafeteria table to a hot BEC after Math.

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to live in a perfect world. The only part I’ve figured out so far is what I would eat. In order to create the perfect BEC for my perfect world, I’d use pieces from all the best sandwich spots in town. First, we need a McGriddle bun. Once you have the moist, syrupy foundation, throw on some eggs from the C-Store, then top those off with 4 pieces of bacon from Elvira’s. Next, hop back into the car, and make the 10-minute drive back to the C-Store for your home fries. Why didn’t I just get the home fries when I got the egg? Maybe I got a little over excited and it slipped my mind, ok? This DIY BEC is hard work! And in the end, it’s just a dream. It’s not enough for the perfect BEC to just contain all of the aforementioned items; it also has to be accessible, which clearly this one is not. In a perfect world, this culinary delight would be everywhere. I’m talking 24/7, free delivery. Hell, free sandwich!

Oh, also in the perfect world, there’d be no hunger, no wars, and no sickness at all, with enough room to accommodate anyone and everyone who wanted to live there. But all that’s kind of on the backburner until I get this whole BEC business sorted out.