48 Minutes in a Life

RJ Marsilio

            When time had expired I just fell to my knees. I knelt there collecting my thoughts for about a minute. I reviewed my performance and was confident that I had executed as well as I could have expected:  And yet, what if I had run on fourth and two instead of passing to Julian—what if I had run instead of passing to Mike or I had jumped the touchdown pass sooner? Either way we had lost.

            In the last four years the team has been to the state championship, with the previous two appearances resulting in victories. Yet this year, expectations were low for our group of seniors. Coach would mention that we were going to be the team to beat and that the conference saw us as vulnerable, but this had only fueled our drive to succeed. We were eager to prove everyone wrong.  With nothing to lose, our seniors went out on the field everyday with a singular purpose

            I was especially nervous because this year I took my first snap as the starting quarterback. I was working under the shadow of a three-year quarterback who had left to play Division One football. I launched my first deep ball in the first quarter of the first game. The play got called back on offensive pass interference, but I never looked back. I went deep again the very next play resulting in my first touchdown pass. I was beginning to pack away the doubts that had been placed on me as a rookie quarterback.

            We started off with an amazing record of 7-0. We were making a statement that the Staples Wreckers had not been vanquished by the graduating class. However, we missed the tying field goal in our eighth game against New Canaan and were eliminated from our conference championship. One loss and we were out of what should have been our conference championship.  And proceeding from there, our schedule only got harder when we would face our arch rivals and teams that had already beaten New Canaan.

            But we didn’t lose again, and we made the state championship. We felt as if some of the weight had been lifted. We handily defeated the state’s number one ranked team in the semi-finals. We headed into the championship game knowing that we faced one of the best quarterbacks in state history.

            Coach warmed us up with a speech that spoke to the importance of the game. But everything he said didn’t happen. It wasn’t our game to take—we were quickly facing a two touchdown deficit. Still down at halftime, the coaches were working hard to get into our heads.  I was pacing back and forth gathering my thoughts, and motivating myself to stay positive.

            We had come close. The game ended 26-28 in their favor. I got up off my knees knowing a lot had changed: I would never play with this group of guys, and take plays from this coach, ever again.

            Monday at school was really hard for me. I felt I had let people down, but I was more proud of the unheralded accomplishments than upset over a single loss. We had been beaten, but the score was not an accurate indication of how well we had played.  Coach told us if we had played them ten more times we would have been 9-1 and we believed him.

            Simply put we had to deal with this loss. But our ability to look back on the year and to see how our successes had trumped our disappointments was the only way forward. I had always been told that it’s not winning or losing, but how I played the game that really matters. And now I really understand the meaning. We had been beaten but not broken.