Lost in Brown

Steph Kranes

I’ve been meaning to tell you—

Letters I thought I meant to send.

I’ve got a secret garden

Of roses and sunlight on fire.

I’m a child

Because I’ll never understand

Why on certain occasions

A flood of wet heat

Erupts in my eyes

When I think of your eyes.

Brown—I never thought it would crush me

The way

Your face could

ripping and thrashing through my thoughts

all the scars in my pounding head

sneering at the explosion inside my chest

staring onto the page

with pencil smudges and cross-outs and stains

that will never reach my lips.

I cannot seal the secrets you left

Locked inside me like autumn’s blood

blowing around in the chilly wind.

I cannot stand before you

with an envelope of blushing cheeks

and tense shoulders

waiting

for your response—

to tease and mold

the petals and rays

amongst the fire.

I hate this flame.

And you struck the selfish match against my body.

and now

I live in the gooseflesh

f remembering

how your mouth tastes.

I’ll give you the ashes

When I no longer stand in a covert warm dark mess

Alone.

Or maybe that’s what will always be.

You’ll always be my maverick.